she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
