Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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