By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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