my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
