Whoa Z and x make the same sound
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
