my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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