You're so nebulous sometimes
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
