Can i not drive my cunt home
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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