me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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