dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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