we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
