he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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