I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
