So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
