i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
