I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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