What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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