Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is my gift to your gina
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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