I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
