you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
