Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize