I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
