don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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