he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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