Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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