We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
