Kareoke will never be a sober sport
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize