Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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