When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
