Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize