3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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