Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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