Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
