hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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