tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
