so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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