Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Floor bacon is actually really good
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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