No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
