I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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