thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
