Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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