STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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