I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
