Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
