Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
