Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize