just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
