Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
