The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just had sex on a roof
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
