i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
