Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
my poor anus
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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