Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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