yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize