he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
