I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
