Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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