It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
