What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
