About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I want her autograph on my taint
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
