I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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