Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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