At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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