Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can text with my tongue
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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