He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize