whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
