I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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